“The only way to learn is to live.”
Nora, The Midnight Library, p. 112
It’s not often a book as thought-provoking as The Midnight Library by Matt Haig comes along.
Have you ever thought about what you would change about your life if you could go back in time? What decisions would you make differently? How do you think that decision would change your life?
Despite its slightly depressing premise, The Midnight Library has an uplifting tinge to it. But be prepared for the countless tears this book will pry out of you. On a few occasions, I found myself on the brink of tears while reading on my lunch break at work or over a hot chocolate in the nearest cafe.
The book follows the main character, Nora, through her mental health struggles, traumas and her self-acceptance journey. It’s made clear from the start that Nora’s life has gone downhill and that she – to put it bluntly – doesn’t see the point in living. We witness the events leading up to her death, and her experience in the library between life and death. Here, she can visit alternate versions of her life in which she had made different decisions.
Spoilers ahead
The book starts with a series of unfortunate events. Her dad’s death in the opening chapter, her cat’s death in the next one, the recent passing of her mum, losing her job, her relationships with her ex-fiance and her brother, the band, her fading friendship with Izzy and other people losing their dependence on her. These moments all culminate in Nora’s suicide.
“It was, she decided, a very good time to die.”
The Midnight Library p. 22
Nora’s personality is clear from the beginning. We can tell that she’s very gloomy due to her unfortunate experiences and outlook on life because of her childhood trauma. However, we also get a sense of her good intentions and caring personality. She only decides to die after nobody seems to need her help anymore- in her eyes, she’s not inconveniencing anyone by dying. Looking after her cat, giving a teenage boy piano lessons and dropping off her elderly neighbour’s prescriptions motivate Nora to stay alive. Without those responsibilities, she feels useless.
Nora finds herself in “the library” joined by “Mrs Elm” after killing herself. The library is a purgatory-type place where Nora can skim her Book of Regrets and decide to undo one of those regrets. When she feels truly disappointed in the life she is in, she’ll be transported back to the library.
Nora blames herself for all the negative things that have happened throughout her life. So, she learns early on that some things are out of her control. Volts, her cat, dies no matter what decisions Nora makes- she can be thankful that Volts was able to live a good life in her core life. I like that some aspects of her life are constant and out of her control.
I also love the idea of meeting another “slider”. In a few of her lives, Nora meets Hugo; another person exploring different lives. He tells her that their lives often overlap and that “the only reason I am in this life is because of you”, which I found amusing since Nora clearly doesn’t have the same infatuation with him. I actually laughed out loud at Nora feeling so disappointed by her experience with Hugo that she returns to the library. It’s one of the few humourous moments in the book but it doesn’t feel out of place.
Throughout the chapters we spend with Hugo, we find out more about what he calls “sliding” between lives. His presence in the story confirms that Nora isn’t the only one. It also brings up the rather depressing thought that you could search forever and never find the perfect life.
The idea of Nora being a consistent element of Hugo’s lives but him not being consistent in hers is a bit strange. But I understand that he is more attached to her than she is to him. He may have chosen to undo regrets that have her involvement. However, I still think Nora should have probably met him more than twice even if he wasn’t “sliding” in that timeline.
Like Hugo, Nora has certain consistencies in her lives. The whale photos that Izzy sends her, her brother’s addiction issues, the mole on the back of her hand, wildfires in California and the cover of National Geographic. All of these are out of her control and help maintain a level of familiarity throughout all her possible lives. The National Geographic magazine reminds us that Nora arrives in her new lives at the same time she left her core one- it serves as a subtle reminder that her old life is waiting for her.
As a result, Nora is constantly out of place in these lives- even the one she spends a lot of time in. She feels as though she is stealing and intruding on someone else’s life and family. However, I like that she leaves her “perfect life” because someone else’s life has gone off the rails due to her not being there for them in that timeline. This shows her that her core life was just as important as the lives where she is successful and influential to many people. Her core self is also influential. Nora returning to her old life symbolises her coming to terms with herself and her decisions in life.
The moment when she is reassuring herself that her husband and daughter will be okay is gut-wrenching and almost made me start crying while on my lunch break at work. “They’ll be okay. They’re looked after…” is such a heartbreaking line. Even though she is leaving, Molly’s mum will still be there for her and Ash will still have his wife to love him and their daughter. It just won’t be her.
She had joined the movie halfway. She has taken the book from the library, but truthfully, she didn’t own it. She was watching her life as if from behind a window. She was, she began to feel, a fraud.
The Midnight Library p. 248
After leaving her “perfect life” Nora finds herself in a crumbling library. In a moment similar to the polar bear incident earlier in the book, Nora saves herself with sheer will to live. She returns to her old life and all is well. She has a better understanding of the people in her life and why they act the way they do.
Despite this, it’s an uplifting, heartwarming ending that leaves just enough up in the air to make you wonder what happens in Nora’s core life. Her happy ending is more like a happy beginning since nothing has changed except her outlook on life.
The ending is quite cheesy but rounds out the story nicely and sends a good message to those facing similar feelings to Nora. I would’ve liked to see a slightly darker ending though. I feel like the book almost tries to convince you that the whole experience “cured” her depression and suicidal thoughts. I think it would’ve been interesting to see her come to terms with the fact that she needs help to cope with her mental health struggles and needs to focus on herself for once.
Did you read The Midnight Library? What did you think of it? Please let me know in the comments below.
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